HILLARY HUMOR

Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to
be an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic
enough. She said she wanted to be an astronaut, but at
the time they didn't take women. She said she wanted
to go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy.
Should she be telling people this story? I mean she's
basically saying she wants to be president because she
can't do anything else."
--Jay Leno


"Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be
running for president in 2008. You know why I think
she's running? I think she finally wants to see what
it's like to sleep in the president's bed."
--Jay Leno


"Top Democrats have mixed feelings about Sen.Hillary
Clinton running for president. Apparently, some
Democrats don't like the idea, while others hate it."
--Conan O'Brien


"In a fiery speech this weekend, Hillary Clinton
wondered why President Bush can't find the tallest man
in Afghanistan. Probably for the same reason she couldn't
find the fattest intern under the desk."
--Jay Leno


"Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife,
Hillary, is elected president, he will do whatever she
wants. You know Bill Clinton -- when he makes a vow
to Hillary, you can take that to the bank."
--Jay Leno


A student from the University of Washington has sold
his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he
probably doesn't need it, but still, that's not very
much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, at least I
got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine."
-Jay Leno


"Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation
to allow all ex-felons to vote. See, this way all the
Clinton's former business partners can vote for her
in 2008."
--Jay Leno


Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs have come out.
So much of her personality shines through, that in
the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern."
-- Craig Kilborn


In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,'
Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton,
falling in love with him, getting married, and living
a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife.
Then on page two, the trouble starts."
-- Jay Leno


"In the book, she says when Bill told her he was
having an affair, she said "I could hardly breathe,
I was gulping for air.
No, I'm sorry, that's what Monica said."
-- David Letterman


"Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York,
announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running
for office of the President of the United States. Her
husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed.
There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family."
-- David Letterman


"Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first
party in her new home in Washington. People said it
was a lot like the parties she used to host at the
White House. In fact, even the furniture was the
same."
-- Jay Leno


"Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush
for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon
dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise
broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that
Bush spend the night on the couch."
-- Craig Kilborn


"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired
woman in America. Women admire her because she's
strong and successful. Men admire her because she
allows her husband to cheat and get away with it."
-- Jay Leno


"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great
state of New York. When they swore her in, she used
the Clinton family Bible....the one with only seven
commandments."
- -David Letterman